Do You ‘Do It’ More in a Tent?
I receive a survey that says sex in a tent is in fashion. But I just can’t fathom it and I’m not sure I can imagine it. Not in our tent. It would just never work. Let me explain…
Yes, it all looks very romantic… a wild spot, sea and sunshine. But sex in a tent? Really?
In a tent? Are you kidding?
A new survey says camping improves your sex life.
Rubbish. Surely?
The view outside your tent may be great, but I want to talk about what goes on inside
A tent is no place for romance
In my experience a tent has got to be the worst location possible for a romantic coupling. For a start Stuart would never let me into his sleeping bag. He says I steal his heat. And he can’t get in mine because the zip has been broken in the zipped up position for the last four years.
And while tents always look lovely in the glow of a barbecue or the afternoon sun, when it comes to actually getting into one at bedtime, well one of us is always too hot. Too cold. Too tired.
Yet according to the survey of 500 couples by tent maker OLPRO, camping is a natural aphrodisiac. There were five reasons couples gave for getting it on more in the outdoors.
Camping may seem romantic at sunset but once the sun is gone the trouble begins
Fewer distractions
Fewer distractions (45%) came top. Fewer distractions? What about the cow mooing, the dog barking, the baby crying, the party going on in the next door tent, and the cars returning from their night out to the quaint English pub?
And that’s just the distractions outside the tent. Inside, there’s the not so sweet sound of children snoring. Of muted songs through discarded iPod headphones. Then there’s the smell. Someone in the tent always smells of bonfire, of sweat, of cowpat. Not an aphrodisiac. Not at all.
Someone in the tent always ends up smelling of smoke or something worse
Fewer worries
Fewer worries (37%) was next on the list. I worry all the time when I’m camping. Don’t’ you? I worry about the cows charging, the foxes stealing our food, the ants stealing into our shoes. I worry that the farmer will roll a tractor through the field in the early morning. That the couple next door with the paraffin heater will set fire to their tent and ours. Even glamping has its problems.
Our tent is now too small for us all so one of us has to sleep in the hooped tent outside. I worry that someone will steal the child. I worry that someone will steal the shoes they’ve left outside. I worry that a storm will come and blow us all away. Not very romantic. Not at all.
I can’t be the only one that spends the night peering out to see what that noise was?
Closer Proximity
Being closer together was the third reason for wanting to climb on top of each other. What? In our tent we’re already on top of each other. We bought our tent for family camping, when the kids were tiny. Back then we called it the ‘party tent’ because there was so much space. Now they are almost as tall as me they roll on me in the night. They slap me in their dreams. They steal my thermarest. Not a passion jumpstart. Not at all.
By the time everyone is in the tent, there’s not much room for romance
Earlier bedtime
Yes, 7% put it down to an earlier bedtime. But if you crawl in too early then it’s still light. My skin does not look better in the green light of my Hilleberg or when the Terra Nova hoop bivvy forms a red halo around my head. And if you wait till it has turned dark then no one can find their sheet bag, and there’s an almighty row about who left the torch in the red pannier that’s still on the bike. Head torches can never be sexy. Not at all.
Believe me, torchlight does not bring out the best in me
Being in the great outdoors
Being in the Great Outdoors (3%) was the final point. Now that’s just stupid. When you’re in the tent you’re not actually in the great outdoors are you? There’s a great big wodge of canvas between you and the fresh air.
I wander off to find Stuart. “People ‘want to do it’ more when they’re in the tent because it’s the Great Outdoors,” I scoff. “So tell me how are they part of the outdoors if they’re in a sheet bag, a sleeping bag, and a giant canvas pod? And who wants to do it in the Great Outdoors anyway?”
Then he reminds me where two out of three of our children were conceived.
Ha! Thanks for sharing Kristie. I tend to agree to a point. I think the survey must have polled the younger, unmarried (read no kids) types.
There is something to be said about the lure of the outdoors and love. I first told my now wife that I loved her as I helped pull ticks from her bra line.
– Sherpa Bill
Ha. No one has ever offered to pull ticks from my bra line, so you are a true romantic. Thank you for sharing back.
No, I strongly doubt a second kid is likely to be conceived in a confined space with number one around. Generally I doubt we “did it” more than a small number of times, for all the reasons you mentioned. Still, family lore has it that number one was indeed conceived that very way. Well, there you go.
Hey, our two families have more in common than we realised!
I see all the logic in your points; but, on the other hand, what better way to de-stress at the end of the day than a little “couple time”. We bought a 2 room tent so we could have a little privacy. Also, and perhaps fore most, my husband isn’t outdoorsy, so it is how I help him enjoy our time camping.
Mae, that’s a very practical solution. Is it too late for us? Must look into pods. Or two tents. Thank you for joining the debate.
A head lamp. Hmmm. Am not sure the things its ray falls upon during sex should be brightly lit.
Funny post!
Perhaps one should volunteer to be the headlamp wearer. If one was ever to have a conversation about it. Which admittedly, would be wierd!
[…] NUC: Do you do it more in a tent? […]
Oh I almost snorted coffee out my nose on that last picture! I’m with you though on many counts… there’s a lot that’s decidedly unromantic about camping especially with kids in tow. But without kids around I’d be all over it. Thanks for the laugh.
Snorting coffee is another reason to add to the list! I do that. Even in a tent. Not snorting in a recreational sense I must add….
Our kids have their own tent 🙂 Eliminates a number of issues on your list.
Kate, you and Mae (see above) have clearly got it sorted. But what happens I wonder, when WW3 breaks out in the tent next door, as it invariably does when one half of our family is left unsupervised by the other half for more than 5 minutes..?
Strategic timing is key – after they have fallen asleep, but before they are woken up by whatever strange noise nature invariably provides around 2am…
Why waste any night or day that you are together. Whether you in a tent, on a picnic table, hotel room – if you are together then what else does one need. New locations, close proximity will most likely increase the frequency. After 50 years we don’t let any location or opportunity slip by…
Aww. That’s very cool. And maybe once the kids have grown or got a tent of their own… Anyway, thanks for adding to the conversation.
Nope. Sorry. Covered with road grime, sweat, and sunscreen is NOT the most sexy condition. A tent will do if it’s a last option, but that’s about it.
Spoken like a true cyclist and mother Nancy! Thanks for commenting. By the way, a couple of people at TBEX networking thought I was you. Basked in your glory for a while before admitting my true identity. Anyway, know that you are loved!
hells yes! why not? for sure theres no acrobatics going on but its certainly very intimate! my daughter was concieved in a tent while on a round the world bike trip haha true story x
Vicky, Maybe long bike rides are the aphrodisiac and not the tent!
Great post guys!!
Thanks for reading!
My husband has one of those head cameras which he uses for gynae examinations. I make sure he doesn’t bring it home with him!
I’m really glad you added the second bit.
It’s what the rare nights in a bed are for on a long trip! Sweaty skin that is sticky from sunscreen and smelly from mozzie repellent is most definitely not a turn on. We got a double sleeping sheet to try ensure romance didn’t disappear but not recommended!
I’m imagining an encounter with a head torch — intriguing, although there are places that the sun doesn’t shine that I’m not so sure a torch should go either. Also, cows charging? I never worried about that while camping. Thanks for putting the idea in my mind.